Sometimes we need to break before WE SHINE!

Gaby Guzman
6 sept 2017
4 Min. de lectura

So…. Today as the hours and the day passed by, i realized I've been trapped in a very toxic, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE CYCLE and it has been definitely one of the most confusing stages in my life. But then today… as i was going to bed, i realized i needed to get my head all cleared up and take the steps to find the courage and strength to break that cycle and let myself heal…i realized i have to feel stronger and more positive of what i have left of life and

keep moving on!

I'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM

After having a non-grateful day, and crashing emotionally in a very painful way, I finally had no choice but to face myself brutally, and honestly.

It is truE that any good adventure, it’s only worthwhile if you come back having learned some solid lessons and with wisdom to share from having survived the fall. And so, at the bottom, i realize just how far off course i am, and that my life choices have been simply not sustainable….

As the end of the day was going by, i had a very long Chat with a person i really estimate, love and i'm very grateful for having as a friend… it was then after telling me, really hard and painful stuff to digest and to accept (but nothing but the plain truth), that i realized i was (and felt) hitting rock bottom, and i needed to get my shit straight in order to self-reflect and REBUILD MY SELF.

I FELT A WAKE UP CALL ! ! !

i realized there were things i was doing in my life that are not good for Me (as a person), as well as for my daughter (as a mother). It was a SIGN that i needed to stop, BREATHE and make some serious changes in my life from now on.

I've been struggling with having the strength to let go of a very toxic and manipulative relationship. And while dealing with the back and forth of this toxic relationship i started to bruise my self-worth, and my anxiety began to build and build….. i really would tell “myself” and the people i call my Friends, that I was DONE with it, BUT THEN AGAIN....would find myself being pulled back in by manipulative act….. and every time I got sucked back in I felt intense feelings of guilt, shame and hated my self for not having enough strength to do what I WANTED to do.

I certainly didn’t understand why I couldn’t LET GO….let go of things that were (and still are) bad for me, and that I didn’t even wanted anymore…. I really NASTY HABIT hard to kick.

I was losing sight of myself and was getting trapped in this flood of overwhelming anxiety. I became unable to make any decisions, I became IMPULSIVE AND RECKLESS (God knows it better). I was literally driving myself insane….. I had a panic attack, and just felt completely and totally LOST.

So that's why I’ve decided that I had to take the risk of stopping my life for a bit so that I could get healthy again. taking a leave from parties and stuff related to it, and going back to THE OLD ME, by Just being home and being surrounded by my daughter, my family and and getting comfty with myself.

I'm pretty sure i will give myself the strength to stop running away and numbing my feelings, and dealing with them… i just want more than anything to be Happy Again, that I will PROMISE MYSELF to put so much focus and effort into healing myself to make me stronger and stronger every day.

Hitting rock bottom is the beginning of questioning everything that you’ve ever thought to be true. You question your motives, other people’s motives, your beliefs, your fears, why you did things, why you didn’t do things, why you attracted certain people and circumstances, why you succeeded, why you failed.

After having all this night thoughts i came up with a list a consider will help my self growth as a new person, and i’m happy to share it with you all.

So here it goes :

STOP trying to get everyone’s approval: the only approval YOU NEED need is YOUR OWN.
Let go of everything because nothing is working anyway!: Letting go of the old creates space for the new.
Remember to NOT CARE about what other people think: DON'T be afraid of being judged anymore. Feel better THAN EVER!
Become enormously grateful for ALL that you have!
BE YOUR OWN independent person: Dealing with what life throws at you can be really hard, but if you really want to be the best person you can be, you can DEFINITELY DO IT.
Gain HUMILITY: decide to become a student of life rather than a juror… life is not black and White, and you do not know everything.
Gain COMPASSION: Learn to understand what it’s like for people in the depths of despair, shame, guilt, and fear.
DISTANCE yourself from certain negative people in your life.
TRUST yourself and go with your gut feeling: from now on, go with what you feel is BEST!